[lincoln county]

[scurlock]

[after highways 2]

The drive across White Sands is quick - little traffic, open road, clear sky - and they don't slow down until they hit Carrizozo, and it's not too much farther until they reach Capitan.
He tells her stories as he notices landmarks, but it's really just landscape, save for the few small towns they've come across.

It's so familiar it makes him nervous and excited at the same time.

It's like it ain't changed a bit.

The road into Lincoln is only a two-lane highway, with worn pavement and faded stripes, the hills on the side of the road brown and green from mix of heat and spring rain. It's quiet (they've turned the radio off at this point) and he's shed the sunglasses, eyes focused on the landscape.

There's a two-story brick building coming into view on the right side of the street, and they're already going pretty slow (not much traffic, but there are a few other people around), but he leans back and exhales, giving a nod to indicate what he's talking about.

"That's the courthouse." A beat. "Welcome to town."

Comments

[justdidntseeit]

"What you can -- "

She breaks her eyes from the crosses and looks at him.

"No."

She shakes her head.

"You are a good person. And the people who care about you? Every single one of them is proud of you."

[scurlock]

The tone she uses with him (she means it) is a little surprising, even if the words aren't.

Part of him realizes he just needed to hear someone say it.

(She's the only one in months who has.)

He nods slowly.

"I..."

Doc exhales, closing his eyes and nodding again.

"I know, I just...needed someone t'say it for once."

[justdidntseeit]

Her insistence surprised her, just a little.

(But she means every word.)

"Hey."

She gives his hand a brief squeeze before turning to face him.

"Just c'mere for a second, okay?"

[scurlock]

"I just..."

He trails off when she turns to face him, and it's almost on instinct that he moves closer and into a hug.

She means it.

(Despite what she knows he's done, she still means every word.)

[justdidntseeit]

Hat still in one hand, she wraps her arms around his slight frame and nods against his temple.

"Everybody needs to hear that at some point."

Especially you, Doc.

[scurlock]

"S'hard, when I'm out there and there ain't nobody t'talk to."

The way he says it, it's almost like it shouldn't be hard, like he should be stronger or that he should be better than this - and it's the time period and the era talking.

Men don't get emotional. They provide and they stay stable for the women. You bury your problems deep and your demons deeper.




Doc's tired of digging holes.

"M'sorry."

[justdidntseeit]

She pulls back just enough to look at him. Palms on his shoulders, she tries to catch his eyes.

"There's no reason to apologize, okay?"

[scurlock]

"Just not used to that."

Eventually, he does raise his eyes to her gaze (acceptance shame worry gratefulness) and he nods.

[justdidntseeit]

She swallows and resists the urge to brush his bangs from his eyes, like she's done so many times with Marie.

"With me? You're just going to have to."

[scurlock]

A smirk pulls at the corner of his mouth.

"I think I'll manage."

He'll do more than manage. He nods again.

"Seriously though, I appreciate it."

[justdidntseeit]

She returns the smile as best she can.

"Okay."

His shoulders get a brief squeeze before she pulls back and clears her too-tight throat quietly; with another glance at the graves, then back to Doc, it's clear she's letting him decide if he's ready to leave yet.

[scurlock]

He nods, then steps back and runs a hand through his hair before he puts his hat back on, eyes focused on the blazing blue of the sky above.

Be seein' you.

Hopefully it's not anytime soon, but you never know.

Doc then turns to Kate, and nods his head as they start to walk back towards the street.

"S'more of a...I guess you could say it's just the time period. Men don't talk 'bout their issues, especially not with womenfolk. I'm still gettin' used to the idea that you don't mind it."

[justdidntseeit]

She replaces her hat as they make their way back to the street.

"And I get that -- I do."

She pauses and licks her lips.

"Does it ... do I make you uncomfortable when we talk about those things?"

[scurlock]

His hands fall to his pockets, and he hooks his thumbs in the beltloops of his jeans as his boots leave soft prints in the dirt.

"Uncomfortable? No, no...I just..."

He shakes his head.

"I'm not used to be able to talk about this kind of stuff without havin' it come back to bite me later. It's...a welcome change."

[justdidntseeit]

She turns her head to glance at his profile.

"Bite you?"

[scurlock]

"Either get ribbed on by the boys or have it...screw things up more'n they already are."

They're automatically walking up the street towards the courthouse, he's using it as a heading more than an actual destination or goal (but she should see it, it's important too) as he talks.

"Things with Katherine and I ain't goin' so well, I think part of it is...my fault for not bein' able t'keep my feelin's back."

[justdidntseeit]

She follows, her attention on Doc's words rather than their surroundings.

"Doc, no -- "

She shakes her head.

"Wait, I shouldn't say that, because every relationship is different."

She lets out a slow breath.

"I will say that I almost ruined things with Bill when I got back to the bar last summer. I wasn't completely honest with him about what happened in L.A.; I didn't want him to know everything because I knew he'd feel terrible about not being there, but it backfired. I only made things more difficult because I tried to hold back."

[scurlock]

"I've just been trying to give her what she needs, what I think she needs...and it just seems to make things worse. I worry about her but she doesn't want me to. But I can't...not."

He looks down at the ground, and kicks a small stone with the toe of his boot.

"I mean we've..."

He shakes his head.

"I just get the feelin' she'd rather I make myself scarce."

[justdidntseeit]

"I know it can't be an easy situation for either of you."

She and Bill have walked a similar tightrope -- and still are, some days.

"And I also know you're trying, and as cliché as it sounds, that's what matters."

She rubs at the back of her neck beneath her collar.

"What do you think would happen if you made yourself scarce?"

[scurlock]

"I think she'd...well, I don't know. I let her leave the bar, even though I wanted t'go back with her. I didn't make her stay up in my room, even though I wanted her to. I've been giving her space...I just dunno what she wants, sometimes."

He kicks another rock.

"Thought she wanted me. That ended up..."

He pauses, shakes his head again.

"Didn't fix nothin'."

[justdidntseeit]

She catches the slight pause, but doesn't comment.

(Not yet, at least.)

Softly, "I meant what do you think would happen to you?"

[scurlock]

"If...it didn't work out?"

Or if she's dead?

Doc's never really considered what would happen to him in the event of this idea - he's been too worried about ensuring her safety and well-being.

He shrugs his shoulders lightly.

"Go...find me a place somewhere and...keep workin', I guess."

[justdidntseeit]

She breathes out a humorless chuckle; she and Doc are more alike than she'd realized.

"You know, I'm amazed we aren't related."

[scurlock]

He laughs, though there's not much humor in his voice either.

"Who knows, maybe in some distant universe we are."

[justdidntseeit]

"Maybe," she says with a small nod, and her eyes move to the street ahead.

"You and Marie are about the same age -- she's twenty-four."