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oom for doc, kate, and esfir - kate's room upstairs in milliways
[follows this]
She's peaceful.
Doc stays awake once Kate has fallen asleep, choosing to watch over her and keep 'guard' instead of getting his own rest. He's not particularly tired, even after not getting any sleep the night before thanks to the conversation with Bill. His mind is alert, and awake - yet his thoughts wander, and time passes without him really knowing how long it's been.
Approximately a half-hour after she's drifted off, he decides to fetch the tea he promised earlier. It won't take long to run downstairs and make a quick stop at Bar.
When he moves from the bed, he's careful not to jostle the mattress or make a sound as he pads across the room to the desk. He pens a note and leaves it beside the one from Esfir, just in case Kate wakes while he's gone:
Getting tea. I'll be right back. - J
He continues on through the room and unlocks the door without making a sound. The only noise that echoes faintly is the click of the door being unlocked, and then he steps into the hallway--
-- and nearly into Esfir.
A pause.
"Good timin' or what?"
She's peaceful.
Doc stays awake once Kate has fallen asleep, choosing to watch over her and keep 'guard' instead of getting his own rest. He's not particularly tired, even after not getting any sleep the night before thanks to the conversation with Bill. His mind is alert, and awake - yet his thoughts wander, and time passes without him really knowing how long it's been.
Approximately a half-hour after she's drifted off, he decides to fetch the tea he promised earlier. It won't take long to run downstairs and make a quick stop at Bar.
When he moves from the bed, he's careful not to jostle the mattress or make a sound as he pads across the room to the desk. He pens a note and leaves it beside the one from Esfir, just in case Kate wakes while he's gone:
Getting tea. I'll be right back. - J
He continues on through the room and unlocks the door without making a sound. The only noise that echoes faintly is the click of the door being unlocked, and then he steps into the hallway--
-- and nearly into Esfir.
A pause.
"Good timin' or what?"
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And obviously if it did this...
"Hey."
He's not going to push her to tell him what happened, not when he can tell she's upset.
"I'm here."
It means more than just the physical.
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Her voice is completely toneless and even as she speaks. She doesn't tear her attention away from the window for even a second.
"Think I'll lay back down. Why don't you go on and go?"
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She looks lost.
Doc lightly pulls in a breath as he runs through the options that flit through his mind. Leaving isn't really one of them - especially with her in a state like this.
"I haven't got any obligations."
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"Beaut could use some mindin'. Don't think I'll be makin' it out t'see her t'day."
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It's obvious from his words that he will be doing the 'minding' of her horse personally, but there's still that hesitation to leave her.
Which is why he doesn't move, despite the promise.
"Let me see your hand?"
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She turns her head ever-so-slightly, not moving her attention so far from the window as to look at him, but enough so that her gaze falls somewhere nearer her feet.
Cautiously, she unbends her elbow and lets the hand at her neck -- her right hand (her shooting hand) -- fall open-palmed against her thigh.
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(Almost like he's mapping the skin, a blind man feeling for touch.)
His voice is quiet, but a little thick with emotion when he speaks.
"I still trust these hands."
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you cannot just run around and kill people and steal from them
Her hand goes a little tight around his. The idea of trust--
'I'm going to outlive you, Katya.'
--feels almost hollow as it bounces around her skull, the air in her lungs burning inside her chest. What has she given him to trust?
'You are now in a world where you have to earn respect. And you have to earn it from men who aren't like Doc or Ben.'
A lot has been put on her mind; tiresome thoughts that make her unsure of what to do or say, act or feel. She wants so badly to prove she's right, but cannot find the ground she needs to prove Esfir wrong. She's too unpredictable, too undisciplined, too governed by her own emotions. She thinks and acts on a whim--
'I'll want to talk to you about Doc.'
Her stomach bottoms out, and her mouth suddenly feels oh-so-dry. She swallows thickly, letting the pad of her thumb outline nicks and callouses on Doc's brown fingers.
"How much?"
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He falls silent for a moment, looking down at her thumb as it brushes over his skin. A faint, almost-wistful smile pulls at one corner of his mouth.
"I spent years wishin' I had 'em right beside me, because I wanted the peace of mind that'd come with knowin' you had my back, knowin' you were keepin' an eye on me."
Doc pauses.
"I...I dreamed sometimes that you was watchin'. Somehow. Keepin' me safe. These hands..."
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She hates this feeling of alone. She hates being lost.
She hates being mad at him. She's tired of it.
"W'... Would you..." She licks her lips. "Would y'take me t'bed?"
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Would y'take me t'bed?
"Course I would."
The words fall from his lips before he can think to filter them, but it's honesty, raw and open. Then his brain catches up, and he lightly squeezes her hand.
"I mean...what...y'want me to stay with you until you're restin'?"
Or does she want him
He wants her, but it's her choice. A voice in his head is reminding him of the last time they fell into bed together and what it did to their relationship, all those years ago. It's not a pleasant memory, but it's dulled by the pounding of his heart in his chest, the rush of blood in his ears.
He's blushing, slightly.
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She slowly scoots around in her seat, adjusting herself until she can lean over without falling off the back of the chair.
And then she places a soft, nervous kiss against the soft cotton t-shirt covering his chest.
It's a bold move coming from someone who thinks she curses the men she kisses, even with the cotton separating their skin.
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Not like this.
Doc swallows hard to force the rust out of his voice, before he speaks. His fingertips brush her chin, lightly lifting her face to draw her gaze to his own.
"You ain't a replacement. You never were, Kate. I want you, if you'll have me."
She's already asked; already made her intentions and desires clear. But he needs to know for certain, and needs her to know that it's only her that he's had eyes for.
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She concentrates on breathing, on the look in his mossy green eyes, hot like a thunderstorm ripping through tall summer grass.
"I know."
She swallows again, looking for her voice -- but it evades her efforts.
So she nods, instead.
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"I love you. All of you."
Another kiss.
"And I always will."
Doc settles a hand against her knee as he nuzzles his cheek against hers, breathing in her scent. It's almost intoxicating.
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"Jus' for today..." she begins, her voice breathy and soft and lodged somewhere high in her throat. "I just want us t'be t'gether... not as 'Doc' an' 'Kate', or Josiah 'n Katherine, but as a man an' a woman... fresh, an' uncomplicated..."
She cards her fingers up into the hair at the nape of his neck, pressing her body closer to his.
"Jus' for today..."
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No history and no muddy water, no hurt feelings or hesitation. Just for today, they'll strip it down and make things work on the most basic level, and then build it up from there.
(One tiny voice in his head is telling him that this might not be the best idea in the world, but it's silenced by the other thousands of voices telling him that it's been way too long since she's tangled her fingers in his hair.)
Doc sits on the chair somewhat sideways, and lightly urges her to come down off the back and onto his lap.
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Affection will keep him constant.
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But he is still the same man, underneath it all.
One hand settles on her side, fingers grazing over her ribs. The other falls to her knee, his lips at her neck once she's settled.
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Her hands slip under the collar of his loose button-down, pushing the fabric from his shoulders.
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She tastes like a hint of soap mixed with a bare layer of sweat; sweet and salty, sugar and spice.
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She wants to feel safe, just for a while.
She sighs shakily as his fingers brush a ticklish spot, hugging him closer to her body.
He makes her feel safe.
Protected.
Forget all the problems they have to sort out later, right now? This is all that matters.
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None of the outside problems or fears, none of the guilt or pain - just this. Two people, a man and a woman.
(But she will always be his Kate, and his to protect, and his to keep safe.)
Outlaw. Teacher. Poet. Protector.
Hers.
Always.
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She's reluctant to kiss him, and reluctant to be kissed, which makes things slightly more awkward than they need to be, but they find a way around it.
Eventually, however, it gets to the point where they have to move before they can go any further.
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He tips his head towards the bed.
"C'mon, it'll be more comfortable if we ain't sittin' in this chair."
Later, he'll have to thank her friend Bela for assisting in the room design - and Bar for the mattress.
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